So it turns out there’s only so much one can say along the
lines of this food isn’t too lovely, I miss caffeine and alcohol, my Dad and
ASK sure do make nice food. Regardless, I will persevere even if it means
bringing up more clumsy and irrelevant animal metaphors.
So there was James the cat (apparently named by me after one
of the Thomas the Tank Engine crew) whose paw was run over. He heroically crawled
from the road to the back door before peacefully passing away. I personally,
have been crawling around the house, growing weaker and weaker and perhaps
before this week is up, will follow James to a better place.
Years later it was revealed that James was actually
obliterated all over the street. This would only give us an even clumsier
metaphor though so we’ll forget about that. Then there was Jackalina the tortoise
(originally named Jack before the cheeky minx started laying eggs). It was the
eggs that would prove her downfall though, one day she tried too hard to lay
one and when she finally released the egg it was not alone. It was joined by
all of her vital organs. Many have found this tale of prolapse amusing over the
years. However, after this week, I can finally say I know how poor Jackalina
felt and it is NOT funny.
On the subject of feelings, I felt guilty for not taking a
picture of my basics pasta and tinned tomato on Thursday but not to worry, I
had it again! So here you go:
So that was Day 5 done but on Day 6 I realized that supplies
were running dangerously low and was forced to take a stroll into the
wilderness. Shout out to Bear Grylls who showed me what can and cannot be eaten
(final outcome pending). I returned with a lot of very sour blackberries and
some wild mint which I simmered in a pot for 20 minutes and then blended,
strained, cooled and iced. The result was an incredibly refreshing drink (if a
little bitty). If I’d had sugar, or as Mum suggested: gin, it would have been a
nice drink even during a normal week.
That evening began gloriously when I found out the parents
were having tuna, the only thing I don’t eat. My mood soon changed after I caught
a whiff of these:
They sure smelt and later taste like they were worth every
bit of the 45p I paid for them. Having discovered that my hot dogs were 12%
pork earlier in the week I decided against reading the nutritional information
of these ‘meat’ balls. Please don’t EVER tell me.
Still, with that treat out of the way, all that is left for
the remaining 12 hours is plain rice. So very plain.
It’s very hard to concentrate with A Knight’s Tale on in the
background. What a film.
Everyone seems to think I’ll lose a lot of weight doing this
which I originally thought was pish posh given all the crap in the food I’m
eating. However, turns out I’m losing weight almost as quickly as during the
infamous tropically diseased summer of 2010. As a result I think I might have
made the jump from Cruiser to Light Heavyweight by tomorrow (in just one week!).
Will have to find scales from somewhere to check. Is ‘scales’ as in weight
spelt the exact same as ‘scales’ as in fish!? Fascinating.
With 12 hours to go I suppose all that's left to do is let
the boys from American Hi-Fi who inspired this blog’s title play me out and
look forward to that midnight beer after work.
See you at the weigh in!
R.I.P. James (1990-1997)
R.I.P. Jackalina (1930-2005 estimated)
P.S. The chumps at the leisure centre decided not to remove
the debris from a child’s birthday party from the squash court before our game
today – so we got a refund! That means that not only have I only spent £7 on
food and drink this week, I’ve only spent £7 full stop! Woo hoo!
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